Bingo doesn't get tougher than this

 

My theory? Gregg Wallace and John Torode have been replaced with automata programmed with a set number of nonsensical phrases and the ability to construct strings of adjectives that would be better suited to an erotic novel.

But Masterchef is a bit like the boy who cried wolf. There is only so many times I can hear "Food doesn't get any tougher than this" before I start to think that, well, it clearly does get tougher otherwise you guys wouldn't keep making more series. And I wouldn't keep feeling compelled to watch you suck on your forks as if simply eating the food isn't good enough TV.

And, while I am on this little rant, what is with all the food programs in the world insisting on describing a hunk of fish as "cooked to perfection"? Dudes, either it is cooked or it's raw. Tasty or not tasty. Intestinal worms or not intestinal worms.

And does no one else really, really hope for the wondrous day when one of the contestants overcooks their scallops (perched artfully on a smear of what looks like poo) to such as a degree that "Food doesn't get any tougher than this" actually works as a sentence?

Next episode Wed 27th at 8pm, BBC1. The contestants will be facing a tricky palate test - pappardelle with meatballs and tomato sauce. Yay!